So you fall back to your old dating style from back home. Back there, wherever there might have been, the women are also of the same culture as you. They grew up in the same neighborhoods, watched the same TV shows and listened to the same music, went to the same schools. Here, while many locals may have watched the same TV shows and listened to the same music, their interpretation would have been very different to yours or your home town girl next door.

You might wonder how do you ask an Asian girl out? Easy, you just ask her if she wants to go out with you! Who you ask and what you ask is more important than the words themselves. You need to ask a woman who is your social equal, so if you are a manager of a division, don’t ask any of your staff. Preferably ask other managers or the staff of other divisions. Even better is to not ask anyone in your own company, a rule I apply wherever I am… usually.

The best way to ask is to be introduced by a mutual friend and then have them invite both of you on a group date to begin with. Of course you tee this up with your mutual friend beforehand! Just like business meetings in Asia, all the important stuff has been decided and agreed upon long before the negotiation starts!

You can take pot luck and ask any woman who takes your fancy, the clerk at the department store, the woman sitting next to you on the train home or whoever. In some societies you will be warmly received, in others you might face a stone wall of silence. In really upbeat, urbanized Asian cities like Singapore and Hong Kong you can operate pretty much as you would at home. Even Japan and South Korea are great places to date. When it comes to more rural areas though, they are usually more traditional so do some research before you open your mouth. You might save yourself from tasting your shoes!

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First of all dating work colleagues is often seen as inappropriate, especially if you are a manager and they are staff. They may feel obligated to accept your invitation and then mistakenly believe they will have to provide sexual favors or risk their jobs. This is how it can be over there, no matter how pure your motives may be. Nobody deserves to be put under that kind of pressure, right?

Second thing is to make sure she is an acceptable date from a social hierarchy point of view. While it might mean nothing to us, status, caste and so on mean a heck of a lot in Asia. If you attend a work function with a date who is socially inferior to the other locals and more so for your reputation and ‘Face’, below you… immediate and often irreparable social suicide. It might even cost you your posting there!

Not only that, think of how embarrassed your poor date will feel. She will be hyper aware of her stauts vis a vis those around her. It is a big deal in many Asian societies and even those more progressive sections that understand western behaviour they will have a laugh at your expense.

I know many men who have dated off-duty prostitutes who are great fun and many made wonderful wives and loving mothers. But if you turn up at the end of year office bash with her, everyone there will know and it will be awkward for everyone. If you respect your date (and if you don’t then you don’t deserve to be taking her out) then respect her feelings and her ‘Face’. She is working in the sex industry to feed her family, not to be made a fool of.

If you take the cute check out chick at your local 7/11 and every other local at the party is colllege educated and from wealthy families, they will know immediately she is beneath them on the social ladder that exists there. Remember, this is Asia and part of the allure and excitement is that it is very different to back home. But that means there are things you need to consider before you go tramping all over their cultural norms with your ignorant western size 10’s.

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What makes Private dancer interesting is that we are presented with a whole range of perspectives including that of more traditional and conservative Thai’s who find the behavior of many foreigners equally disturbing to that of the bar girls.

At the end of the novel I did not feel empathy with either. I found both to be pathetic in a different way. In many ways Pete is more to blame for the disaster than Joy. Stephen used the term Sad Fucks to describe them and since reading the novel this term now comes to mind when I am confronted with similar people.

I think the novel is compulsory reading for any man that travels to Asian destinations like Bangkok where you might encounter bargirls or working girls. The book is a vital warning on the dangers of forming relationships with bargirls. It will also serve as reality check when you encounter circumstances reminiscent of what you have read about in the novel.

Even if think you are already streetwise or otherwise feel the story might be irrelevant to your circumstances Private Dancer will provide an interesting insight into what goes on behind the scenes and if nothing else expands your understanding of human relationships

The point to emphasise here is that the real danger is not external – the bargirl – but rather the individuals internal response. Bars and Bargirls have been around a long time and the game is established. Don’t blame the other players because you don’t know the rules. Those that out of ignorance think that the relationships they form with the girls are real are often destined for disappointment.

The book is also a great read with a real unexpected twist at the end.

Click HERE for more information

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Dating Asian women has become far more widespread in recent years with the internet making easy to date Asian women online. Online Asian dating is now a very large and lucrative industry with thousands of women and men communicating daily with each other for the first time. Many Asian ladies are there to improve their economic outlook in the United States but there are also many beautiful women who genuinely desire to live out their lives with a soul mate from overseas.

These women can be found in Vietnam, Singapore, Malaysia, Cambodia, Thailand, China, Hong Kong and the Philippines and all are happy to meet American men. While you have to invest time and money to travel to meet them, you can find out a lot about a person by exchanging emails. Many quickly think they have found the one and only partner for life and fall in love very quickly. In reality they are in love with the thought that perhaps after a long search there is someone out there who is listening to them.

Meeting Asian girls face to face for the first time, even after hundreds of exchanged emails and telephone calls can be a daunting prospect. Think how scary it might be for her. For you it could be just another way to experience adventure travel but for her it is her future and possibly the future of her entire family on the line. Western men and Asian women have been intermarrying for centuries. In the old days the offspring were known as ‘Eurasian’ but today it is more common to say ‘Amerasian’.

One term that is not popular with genuine daters is ‘mail order bride’. You can’t order another human being over the internet and have them delivered by mail. It is a derogatory term and we should all stop using it. Asian singles are people just like American singles and you would never refer to an American woman as a mail order bride even if you did meet first off online. So don’t use it for Asian (or Russian) penpals, either.

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It is true that they are only so intensely jealous because they love you so intensely when you are their chosen one. While that is a wonderful thing it does mean that you should only pick a Filipina when you are truly done roaming. They are very much a one-man woman and they expect the same from their Bana (Visayan for husband) or Asawa (spouse in Filipino but wife in Visayan).

They are so intensely jealous that there is another issue you need to deal with. Privacy. There is neither an understanding of the concept or any similar word in any Filipino language or dialect and there are hundreds of those to choose from! They know about modesty, subterfuge, secrecy and so forth but privacy? No way.

They will read your diary. They will read your emails and cellphone text messages. They will pry into everything and consider it their right to do so. After all if you truly love them then you have nothing to hide, right?

That wouldn’t be too bad if they gave you a fair go and accepted you might have known other women prior to meeting them. But that isn’t the case. Any evidence of any other female in your life no matter how long ago or how platonic the relationship, if she isn’t a close relative then the only reason you still have that old photo is because you still love her. And more than your Filipina!

Forget logic, it has no place with any female and especially so with the Filipina variety. It is all about emotion. So give that some serious thought, then fall in love like the rest of us.

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Thais are Asian so they are more secretive than their western sisters. They will rarely criticize their man in public and even in the home they will prefer to skirt around the problem and expect you to twig to what the issue really is.

They are also very pragmatic and for the most part Buddhist. THis means they see no problem with partnering someone who can improve their situation. Money, housing, travel, health and so on can all be motivating factors and more honest and powerful than any false facade or pretense they love you deeply.

There is love and there can be love and it can be ‘love at first sight’ but my experience begs to differ. I respect the Thai woman for being pragmatic and realistic if she prefers to be my girlfriend than the girl of a poorer man or one with less prospects.

That has been the way of the world forever, it is only in recent generations we in the west insist on marrying for love. And the result of that once our western women were able to earn their own livings was a jump in the divorce rate.

As Buddhists they believe in live and let live and not interfering in another person’s fate. This can give them a slight mercenary look and feel but it is not malicious, merely realistic and actually respectful. They are having their (this) life and you are having yours. If it is meant ot be and there is good reason for it then it will be.

Thai women are not inhibited as western women can be. They do not have the false modesty and deceit fostered on them by monotheistic belief systems. This can make for great sex but it also means they are very independent. That might sound a contradiction of sorts if they are willing to marry for money and security but they are just as likely to move on if the life envisaged doesn’t occur.

I respect the Thai culture and the people. I accept they don’t need us westernes and I think that is a good thing. They are one of the few people in Asia or Africa who were never colonized by a European power and it shows.

Marrying a Thai will get you all the mysteries of the Orient but it will also have you realising that marriage is truly a two way street, love is wonderful but too often merely lust in a more PC guise and she is not your servant.

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I find the Japanese woman to be very open minded and willing to experiment in the bed room. They have none of the inhibitions so many western cultures suffer under and actually enjoy sex as a natural, wholesome, recreational activity. This doesn’t mean they are promiscuous but once a relationship has formed they are intimate and versatile lovers.

When it comes to more long term relationships more and more are marrying foreigners, or ‘Gaijin’. At one time it was social suicide for many to even date westerners but times change. More and more Japanese men marry western women and women from other Asian countries such as Thailand and the Philippines. More and more Japanese women are marrying western men from the UK, Europe, USA and Australia.

There is also a very large and well established Japanese community in the USA, particularly in California and Hawaii. Many of these women are fourth and even fifth generation American and have only the looks of their ancestors and the family name to set them apart from any other American woman.

The status of women is changing in Japan today, albeit not as rapidly emancipating as in the west. A lot of the old behaviours of men, such as groping women on crowded trains, is no longer tolerated as it once was. In the workplace women are gaining more respect and responsibility and this reflects in their choices of date. They can and do date their western male colleagues if they so choose whereas a few decades back the workplace would be bereft of women in many industries.

Japanese women are feminine and have all of the qualities men have often yearned for in their partners. Qualities that western society has for the most part weaned out of their own women in the quest for equality and respect amongst other factors. Don’t take any display of these feminine qualities as an invitation to be anything but a true gentleman but always remember, a feint heart never won a fair maiden.

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